The multitudinous beauty of an African woman's hair
The multitudinous beauty of an African woman's hair

Man vs Woman Sexuality.

I have watched, often with trepidation, countless YouTube videos by idiots about the nature and structure of the family in a society. My niece—who’s taking a little voyage, albeit rocky, through western perspectives on marriage and family—has introduced me to a Pandora’s box of gross stupidity among people who purport to understand male and female nature, but who by all available analyses, clearly do not. By Pandora’s box, I mean by understanding some of their arguments about the nature of the family and the role of it in society, their spurious claims and wild arguments, although reaching a wide audience, lead one to only one substantive inference—an agenda that is partially deranged, and the rest of it is sexually deviant.

The old adage, “You are what you read and hear,” could not be any more frightening. How some of this grotesque misinformation on Human Relations by people with virtually no experience—on love, oath, loyalty and bravery—in building a nuclear family, let alone a village, finds its wide audiences remains stupefying to me, and the reality of these videos, together with their multitudinous viewers if not adherents, remain all the more bewildering. If common sense were a sloth, it would quickly metamorphose into a Serpent and bring down these YT Relationship/Marriage Counselors, for their advice is altogether worse to humanity than anything the Serpent can conjure for the downfall of man from one apple tree.

Such venom is the killer instinct one needs to be able to escape the gravitational nonsense of the catastrophe of the self-multiplying relationship counselors on YT. However, rather than a haphazard attempt to regurgitate their highfalutin nonsense, I would rather not bore you with it, for a I fear that the old adage, “You are what you read and hear,” might strike back once again—right here on this page—and perhaps, it might quench my sincere attempt to stoke some fire to steer clear certain ships into the calmer waters they desperately need.

On the contrary, I would rather nudge the humble reader to allow some of Our Traditional Perspectives from Ntoaboma, Ghana (West Africa) to percolate through our common human-reservoir of common sense. This information that I provide, has taken certain African civilizations that are many millennia older and wiser than the young wild-wild-west many hundreds of years to collect, maintain and master. Take it or leave it. (A note to the wise: Stop reading this if you are not an adult. First of all, what are you doing, and why in God’s name are you on Facebook?)

Think for a second about this: Recognize that a woman spends her entire reproductive life (14-40 years), at the least, shooing away everything that wants to get into her bed, and under her blankets, and into her panties. This is the period of the test of a woman’s character! And women get this baptism of fire first, and early, often without prior or enough warning. Some women learn, and some quickly adapt like amphibious mammals would, and they invent and borrow life-skills necessary to scare away “predators” who lay their ambush along a woman’s embayment.

Sure, what if some women make some mistakes, and end up being stalked and eaten alive—so to speak? The sheer volume of other mammalian things, called men or “predators,” trying to get a woman to succumb to certain biological imperatives can be overwhelming, especially without a woman receiving the proper guidance, in the early stages of her development, against the continuous and fiery baptism of men (many of whom have yet to learn how to tie their own shoe laces!). This is why a woman at marriage age, gorgeous and still a virgin, may be ranked so highly on the totem pole of fecundity and attractiveness to the highest ranking men available to her.

A woman of this stature is viewed by mature, successful men as having developed some character and discipline—to have proceeded through the baptism of fire unscathed, and to have escaped the copious machinations of Serpentine men is no small endeavor. The woman who’s successful will have her pick of the litter, literally! This period of shooing away men is the period of the Test of Character of a woman! Period.

On the contrary, let us also recognize, and perhaps we may yet comprehend, where a mature, disciplined and successful man may emerge. A man spends most of his early reproductive life (14 – 40 years) pretty much being an unsuccessful “charmer,” ignored, and even overlooked by the very women he so desires. This period is not a period of character building, but of physical and financial development for a man. Some men achieve this kind of maturity, and still others do not, or cannot! This maturity however is necessary for a man to rank higher on the totem pole in the company of men. A man who ranks high among men is desired by many women, he too, can have the pick of the litter, literally.

In this sense both men and women have to do some work to achieve “attractiveness” to the highest ranking match. It is not enough to say a woman is valuable because she has a vagina, or that she wields sumptuous lips or that she’s deeply melanated, slender, pretty, or that she has long legs and she displays exceedingly curly natural, black, hair that could reach our good heavens! That’s not enough; no work has been done. In the same way, it is simply not enough to say that a man is valuable because he swings something that is 2 or 3 inches longer than the next man, or that he’s tall, bearded, dark, does not take baths, and bloviates about unsavory subjects with the utmost deep resonance. That does not cut it in the company of men.

A woman, who wants to wield the power of the “pick of the litter” has to pass her test of character before marriage age, in the same way that a man, who also want to wield a similar power, has to become successful enough by his marriage age—this is also the test of character for a man.

Still, a man has to become even more disciplined because a man has even more work to do about himself once he has secured for himself a family—a wife and children. How—you ask? There are actual “predators” continuously waging war against the successful man. Any slip, and this man sacrifices the calm, quiet, peace, security and comfort of his home and family for another woman who wants the exact same thing this man is able to provide.

After 40 or so years, when a man has achieved something among fellow men, the true test of his character actually continues. When he has become an actual man, as for instance he is now able to provide for a family emotionally and financially, he is sought after by women—not many. When the man is wealthy however, he’s sought after by many women. This is the period, after 40 or so years, of true character building for a man. He has the pick of the litter still, yet he must constantly and continually exercise discipline. A successful man runs a happy and successful family.

In this way a woman is ranked so highly by men when she has a record of demonstrable character during her early reproductive life. On the other hand, a man that no woman wants is also a man who does not rank in the company of other men. For the reasons above. A man who has yet to show other men that he has built character cannot be trusted to be loyal to his own wife and children! A man who so many women want is also invariably, and simply attractive to other women. The woman who is able to settle down with him believes that this man must have built some character (through his constant shooing off of other women) and that his decision to be with her is a sign of her upward validation.

Ntoaboma’s Traditionalists claim that it is in Dick-Discipline and Vagina-Discipline that Character is ultimately built in a man and in a woman, respectively. Nothing can be further from this premise. If loyalty has not been tested several times by the most appealing of the opposite matches, one cannot certify a person’s loyalty. Still, these claims are heuristics at best, which is another way to say that there are no guarantees. None, whatsoever!

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~ Success is a horrible teacher. It seduces the ignorant into thinking that he can’t lose. It seduces the intellectual into thinking that he must win. Success corrupts; Only usefulness exalts. ~ WP. Narmer Amenuti (which names translate: Dances With Lions), was born by The River, deep within the heartlands of Ghana, in Ntoaboma. He is a public intellectual from the Sankoré School of Critical Theory, where he trained and was awarded the highest degree of Warrior Philosopher at the Temple of Narmer. As a Culture Critic and a Guan Rhythmmaker, he is a dilettante, a dissident and a gadfly, and he eschews promotional intellectualism. He maintains strict anonymity and invites intellectuals and lay people alike to honest debate. He reads every comment. If you enjoyed this essay and would like to support more content like this one, please pour the Ancestors some Libation in support of my next essay, or you can go bold, very bold and invoke them. Here's my CashApp: $TheRealNarmer


  1. In a way, some of the ancients coined a story to illustrate this sociological framing you have provided us from Ntoaboma. If a woman’s reproductive years, 14 – 40, are the period of testing for her, then it makes sense in those Ancient Scrolls that the Serpent, many Serpents, in fact, will attempt to beguile her to deviate from her “purpose.” If she succumbs, chaos (sin) becomes a part of her future family.

    In the same way if the man is to also be lured by a woman to eat from the tree, he too in this way introduces chaos (sin) into the future family. Everything thenceforth becomes tainted and work has to be done to maintain what would have been a beautiful family. The Ancestors are with you, my brother. Thanks for sharing! Ase!


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