I love watching movies, so I am always striving to see better ones. Here are a five things movies could do without to give us all better viewing experiences.
1. Exploding things and people who walk away from them
When was the last time you heard someone say: the best scene in that movie was the one where everything blew up? Yeah that was great! It has probably been a while. I think by now we are all desensitized to violence in movies. So every additional explosion adds nothing to my appreciation of a movie.
The worst violators of this cliche are scenes where the main characters file along a straight line and in slow motion strut stylishly away from burning objects behind them–and just when they get a safe distance, then BOOM, the whole background flares up. But they don’t flinch a muscle. They’re just too cool and too invincible.
2. Cockroach people who never die
In movies, a round of bullets, a stab wound, or any kind of debilitation rarely gets people on the first go round. When one person has another in a corner and it looks like one will put the other out of his misery, the two start having a deep conversation like they haven’t seen each other in decades. They reveal their true intentions, feelings, and motivations.
Then when it is finally (again) time for silence, time for the villain to kill the hero, the hero turns into a cockroach. He is resilient. You think you’ve gotten that last hit, but he’s still here. No matter what you throw at him, he keeps moving.
Movies with cockroach people are pretty fanciful and unrealistic because we know the hero won’t die and even if the villain is somewhat a cockroach, he will eventually be killed. Cockroach people in movies are predictable. In movies, I think we need more originality and less predictability.
3. Bad title sequences
For an independent movie (and even for a major production), we really don’t want to know the details of who produced, directed, edited, and all the credits before the movie starts. We really want to see the movie, and if we’re curious later on, we’ll find out who is behind it.
There are some occasions when a title sequence is well done and artistic. But usually they are done by people who have barely mastered Powerpoint. Usually the fonts and graphics are at total odds with the music which is at total odds with the movie plot. I’m sure we’ve all seen a title sequence that lasted for too many minutes that showed a blood and guts dripping letters with upbeat music and a first scene that was a bright and shiny day on the beach.
My advice to amateurs: just start the movie already. Sometimes I do not even make it to the first scene if I glimpse a bad title sequence, because I know the movie will be just as subpar. At least surprise me with a bad movie after the first scene. Don’t cut yourself out of the running before the fade in.
4. Uneven sound
Besides the visual picture, the second most crucial aspect of film is sound. If the sound is choppy, if the microphones clip, if the voices and music are barely audible, then too loud in the next scene, and we the audience have to adjust our volumes or hold our ears, then there is a major problem with production values.
Why do directors, producers, and crew pretend that their movie is finished when the sound quality is often horrible and should be rerecorded?
There is a reason why we have a thing called post-production, and one reason is to make sure the sound is crisp, clear, and enjoyable. It does help make a movie great.
5. Biopics
Why do we tell fictional stories about very important people? For these folk, why should we give screenwriters, directors, and producers a free license to fabricate and stretch the truth?
There is no biopic that stands as accurate representation of someone’s life. If you want to know the truth, you would have to read a book (several books actually) and maybe even do more research. But we cannot escape the fact that so many people will watch a biopic and speak about a historical figure and her legacy from the work of fiction.
In many ways, biopics are only a mockery of people’s lives. What do they claim to do except embellish? In the end, biopics become their own confused genre: too wedded to facts that they fail to entertain and too removed from facts that they fail to inform. We should leave biopics for documentaries, which at least claim to be more factual in their reenactments and more honest to the people whom they depict.
What else are you tired of seeing in movies?
And bombs that only want to explode at the last millisecond but don’t!
I like the part about titles in the introduction. It’s useless. I have only appreciated them a handful of times. But by and large, just start the movie already. Many directors and filmmakers fall pray to the idea – they think it makes the film look a bit professional. The thing is, you can tell a bad movie from here. So, if you’re a new filmmaker, just go directly into your first scene. At least you keep me interested for 15 minutes if I decide to bounce.
This piece had me rolling on the floor laughing!! I agree with every point!
Hahahaa… that is a sight!
To add on to point 2 about cockroach people, I hate it when the star of the film gets captured and instead of simply killing him by shooting him the villain devises a complex method to kill the star. This always allows the star to find a way to escape lol
LOL… Hahahaa… It’s so lame!
Like let’s keep him in the fridge instead of shoot him! Hahahahaa.
Solomon Azumah-Gomez exactly! Or lets allow the mice to gnaw at the thread which would release acid and burn his shoe which will release water in the tank to drown him lol
One film flew the Hero from California, LA, to Mount Everest, so they can drop him from the top! I was like, really? Of course he escaped when they go to the top of Everest and killed everybody! Hahahahaa!
hahahaha! madness.
Of course we need to talk about horror movies! There can’t simply be a horror movie with rational people in it. It’s like impossible. People walking right into their death!!
Hahahahahaa… I always wonder why people in horror films always approach the horror sound. If you are afraid, why don’t you just run away?
Of course there’s also the moment when the SWAT team knocks on your door in a horror film and asks if you are in trouble, but you say no! How? And you watch them drive away their tanks, their armored cars and aircraft careers, because one Hannibal inside, told you if you tell them you are in trouble, he will kill you. Pssss!
Heheheheeee…